Saturday, December 11, 2010

Countdown To Moving Day

Well, it is the one-week countdown to moving day. I do not know if I am ready, if I ever will be ready, but this is what life has given me right now and I have to make the best of it.

I love the house we live in, the home that I thought we had created for our children, and now I have to leave. To start a new life on my own and try to create new lasting memories of happy times for my children.

I do not know how this went so wrong. When you think you are doing what is best and only come to find out, through divorce papers that your best was not good enough, is one of the hardest things that you will have to live through.

How do you start over, how do you pack your boxes and keep a smile on your face so you can be strong for your children and know that soon, you will close the door on this life and struggle everyday to pay the rent and utilities and put groceries on the table and no one is there to stand with you and to help you stand up when all you want to do is crumble.

Divorce hurts, it hurts your soul in a way that you never knew was possible. The soul that holds your children and all of their hopes and dreams and you realize that you have done this to them. That you were not able to hold their stability together. That you have ripped their lives apart and no amount of apologizing or hope will ever put it all back together.

So now, I head back to my boxes and packing tape and with my tears, I pray that I can make this all right. I need to make this all right for my children.

1 comment:

Kris said...

I wish you didn't have to go through this. I'm thinking of you during this hard Holiday season and sending lots of virtual hugs. I'm sure you will find a way to make it work and to make the new place a wonderful home, it just might not seem like that now.